


Two years after (Part 2)

by ButterflyPup



Series: Two years after [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Short, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPup/pseuds/ButterflyPup
Summary: “I can’t do this, Harry,” Sirius whispered desperately, holding the bottle of whisky in his hands. “He’s gone. Everyone is gone.”“Sirius, please. Do you think Remus would-,” Harry started but Sirius interrupted him. “Don’t say his name!” He took another sip of the alcohol which made Harry worry even more. How many bottles had it been since he came back? He lost track of it.“What difference does it make? He won’t come back. Nobody will!” Sirius stood up from the Sofa, feeling sick. “Leave me alone!”





	Two years after (Part 2)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of "Two years after". Please read [part one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10036358) first.

“I can't do this, Harry,” Sirius whispered desperately, holding the bottle of whisky in his hands. “He's gone. Everyone is gone.”

“Sirius, please. Do you think Remus would-,” Harry started but Sirius interrupted him. “Don't say his name!” He took another sip of the alcohol which made Harry worry even more. How many bottles had it been since he came back? He lost track of it.

“What difference does it make? He won't come back. Nobody will!” Sirius stood up from the Sofa, feeling sick. “Leave me alone!”

Harry watched how Sirius tried to keep his balance but he sunk back on the sofa. It was painful to watch him. Of course Harry himself also lost people he loved but Remus was everything for Sirius. The only person who really knew him, who loved him like nobody else did.

After Sirius fled from Azkaban Remus was the light of his life. He held him, he was there for him. And then Remus lost Sirius. Again. Not even in the afterlife he could be with him.

Not yet at least. But soon for sure if Sirius would go on like this.

“Sirius, I'm going back to Hogwarts. I want to help and finish school and...” Harry started but he could see Sirius was not listening. He was still trying to get up. But he went on talking anyway. “And I don't know if I can leave you here at this rate.”

There was no answer, just a sob leaving Sirius' mouth.

Harry tried to get through to him for weeks now but the more he tried the less possible it seemed.

Finally Sirius managed to get up and stumbled to the door. “Leave me alone!” He said and left the room, going upstairs. Harry didn't know what to do. Not now not any other day.

He was desperate. Sirius wouldn't even look at him when he was drunk. Not after he did once and called him James back then.

Harry decided to leave. He was going back to Hogwarts during summer so he could help the others. He asked the other members of the Order to drop by to check after him. It was no surprise that he got nearly the same letter everyday.

 

“ _Sirius is okay. He just drinks a lot._ ”

“ _He's drunk but don't worry. I will care for him_ ”

“ _I don't even know where he gets the alcohol_ ”

“ _He's drunk again and hurt himself while trying to rip the sofa apart_ ”

“ _I don't think he left the house since you left_ ”

 

“Harry, it's okay if you want to go back. We can do this alone,” Ron said and lay his hand on Harry's shoulder.

“No. I'm needed here,” Harry answered with a not so convincing face. He wanted to stay. He decided he would.

But one day in October a letter arrived that was different.

 

“ _Harry,_

 _Sirius asked for you. He said he won't come out of his bedroom unless you're here._  
_Can you manage to come to Grimmauld place?_  
 _I think he needs you._

 _-Arthur_ ”

 

“From my dad?” Ron, recognizing the owl. Harry just nodded, folding the letter together again before walking away without a word. But there were no explanations needed. Something must have happened with Sirius.

When Harry arrived it was complete silence in the house. He took the stairs up to Sirius' bedroom and knocked.

“I told you I wouldn't come out!” Sirius yelled from the inside.

“Sirius? It's me. Harry.” He could hear some loud noises, a bang and then... the door opened. He was pulled into a hug so strong it made his body hurt.

“I'm sorry, Harry,” Sirius whispered. “I should have been there for you. I left you alone and... you looked after me. But that's not your job. I should have looked after you.”

Sirius wasn't smelling like alcohol as much as he remembered him to. But he looked poorly. He obviously didn't sleep much and a shower would be good, too.

“Can you please...?” Harry said and gasped in pain as Sirius was holding him too tight. Instantly he let go of him.

“I'm sorry, Harry. I'm just,” Sirius murmured not knowing what to say. “Harry... I want to see him.”

Harry couldn't remember any moment as horrible as this. Maybe the second he had told him that Remus was gone. But this was just the same.

“Sirius, you know you can't exactly _see_ him...” The green-eyed young man tried to explain.

“His grave,” Sirius stopped him and Harry bit his lip.

Obviously Harry was surprised by that. The way Sirius behaved during the last months didn't really make him think he'd want to visit his grave anytime. Also he wasn't sure if Sirius was ready for this.

“Are you sure?” he wanted to know. Sirius nodded.

“I am sure. I just can't go on with this. I see him everywhere, Harry. I hear his voice. Well, at least I imagine it. I'm still waiting for him to just... coming through that door and,” Sirius couldn't go on talking. He choked on his sob and wiped the tears from his face. “I don't know how to end this. I need to see that he's dead. I need to... I...” Again Sirius stopped talking.

Harry was feeling as helpless as he never felt before. He was standing in front of his godfather who just couldn't stop crying. His hands were dug in his hair and his face was full of pain and despair.

“Show me!”

It was hard to go there. Not even only for Sirius but also for Harry. He visited his grave not even once since the funeral. It was right next to the grave of his parents, James and Lily. But there was a space between them that was looking like there had been a gravestone before.

Sirius took Harry's hand as they walked through the graveyard. He didn't look up, just stared on his feet until he heard the voice next to him.

“Sirius? We're here,” Harry said softly when they stood in front of the graves with their backs turned to them, and stroked the man's shoulder. “But I need to tell you something”

Sirius heart sank. As if there was anything that could have been worse than this. “What is it?” He wanted to know.

“We didn't bury him all by himself,” Harry started explaining and felt Sirius' grey eyes on him.

“I know. I know this place. He's lying next to James, right?”

“No... that's not. Well yes. His grave is somewhat next to Dad's but...” Harry couldn't really say it. “Just have a look, okay?”

Sirius didn't know what to expect and clearly when he turned around he had no idea how to react. His eyes focused Remus name on the gravestone and his heart was aching. Then slowly he looked at the name next to it.

 

_Nymphadora Tonks_

 

“What- why?” Sirius asked in confusion. The pain in is chest was gone for a second. He just didn't know what to do with this situation.

“Remus and Tonks.... they married. One year after you were gone,” Harry said while turning around as well. He looked at Sirius whose face was completely blank. “Remus tried to go on somehow. He tried to live. Like he said you would have wanted him to”

Sirius couldn't say a word. He just kneeled down in front of the grave and this was the moment for Harry to leave him alone. He wanted to take a short walk through Godric's Hollow so Sirius would have some time for himself.

He wouldn't tell him yet they had a son. But he knew he needed to.

 

 

As soon as they were home again Sirius locked himself in his bedroom. Harry didn't follow him as he knew he couldn't do anything. But he could hear his crying downstairs.

The next days were hard and Harry didn't know how to deal with Sirius. One day he was drunk again while the next day he started cleaning the house and when he was done he did it again. Talking was no option as Sirius would leave the room. But at least he was with him in the evening. They sat down to have some tea like Remus had with Sirius.

It happened quite often that Sirius said something not really directed to anyone but Harry knew he was talking with Remus although he wasn't here. Slowly he was able to feed himself again, to not drink that much any more. He still needed the alcohol of course. But it wasn't as bad as before.

Christmas was coming and Sirius planned to spend it together with Harry, whom he wanted to go on for. Harry was everything that was left. He was like his son and the only person alive that was connected to the time he was actually happy. He could remember every second with Harry when he had been a baby. He had been sleeping at James' and Lily's to take care of Harry during the night when both of them were too tired. He played with him, fed him, held him. He even sung him to sleep once in a while.

Now he was an adult. And still he wanted to care for him like he did before.

“Merry Christmas!” Harry could hear Sirius' voice after coming back from a Christmas visit. But he wasn't alone. In his arms he held a little baby boy with blue hair.

“I brought someone with me,” he said, not entirely sure about how Sirius would react but he felt it was the right time.

“Someone?” Sirius asked from the living room as both already came in. He stared at the baby that was mostly hidden in blankets.

“Who...?” Sirius asked. “I mean... what?”

Harry gave him a shy smile, came closer and handed him the boy, pulled off the little knit hat he was wearing. “This is Teddy,” he introduced.

Sirius looked at the boy for some seconds. He had blue hair that reminded him so much of Nymphadora when they had been babysitting her. She often had blue hair.

The boy looked up, blinking and then giggling.

When Sirius saw the amber eyes the boy had Harry noticed the pain that appeared on his godfather's face.

“Is this,” Sirius began and took the boy carefully. “Is this his son? How old is he?”

Harry nodded slowly. “He's eight months now.”

“Then he was born not long before...” Sirius wasn't sure how to end the sentence. He took a deep breath and pressed a kiss on Teddy's forehead. “Where does he live?”

“With Andromeda. But he can stay over Christmas if you...”

“Yes! YES! He needs to stay. I want to... get to know him.”

During Christmas Harry watched Sirius closely. The look on his face was different so was the way he was speaking. For the first time he was sure Sirius was happy again. He could see him smile when playing with Teddy, laugh, when the little boy did.

It seemed like he finally had a reason to live again.

 


End file.
